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Wednesday, November 30, 2005 Singapore True Story 3 ( A Big Mistake That Regard For Life)>My name is Allen. Today is a sad day in my life. Some of you may know me personally and some only on AOL and some may have never even spoken to me. What only some of you may know is that I had a girlfriend that was killed. I am sending this out to tell you all a simple and true message. I never was big on girls, being a simple country boy from Tennessee. I never thought I stood a chance with a nice girl like all guys dream about. I dated girls here and there but nothing major. Then my senior year of high school, I saw her. Her name was Alena Mazzoni. She was a model and to beat it all she was Italian. The first day she was there she walked up and looked at me in lunch and said, "Excuse me Mr Allen, could I sit with the senior class president?" I looked at her and said, "Well that's me, sit if you would like." From that day on we were never apart. I was one of the popular people but not one of the sports jocks and I still don't know why. I was studying to be a photographer when she took me on a model shoot with her and a runway show. I was just amazed at her. We had then decided I would be her photographer. She even got me into modeling. We were together about everyday then on May 8, 1999 it happened. She called and woke me up at 6 am like she always did and said I'll see you at school. I had known her for only 4 months. I got to school and she never showed up. At 10 am as I was walking to the office to call her, the principal came over the inter-com and gave this heart-breaking message. "Students and Faculty: It is my sad duty to tell you that Alena Mazzoni was killed in a head on collision this morning on the way to school." I dropped to my knees there in the hall and cried. I left school. I came home and only to find my mom and dad waiting on me. My mom was crying because she knew how I felt for her. I found out that my dad saw the whole accident and was the first on the scene. A girl crossed 3 lanes of traffic and hit Alena head on. Alena's Geo Tracker rolled over down an enbankment and rested on it's tires again. My dad found her with the engine in her lap. She was flown to the University of Tennessee hospital where she was pronounced dead on arrival. The other girl that hit her was stoned and drunk. I felt it was my fault because I talked her into staying at G-P highschool in Gatlinburg. She lived in Sevierville next to the Sevier Co high and she wanted to move back. I begged for her to stay. If I didn't, she would still be here today. So what's the message behind this you ask? I never told Alena I loved her nor did she me. We were so happy it was like we already knew. When I went to the funeral home her mom met me at the door and asked if I would be a paul bearer for her and if I would sing Amazing Grace for her. I said I would. The funeral home was closing the doors and her mom said she had to go but handed me a piece of paper that had a spot of blood on it. Everyone left but since I knew the funeral director I asked if I could stay. The note her mom handed me said this: My dearest Allen! I am just sitting here in my room thinking of you and I wanted to write. You have no idea how happy I am with you. We have been togetherfor 4 months now and I couldn't dream being with anyone else. There is something I want to tell you I think it is time for me to say: Allen, I love you! Well I am looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Love Forever,Alena She wrote the note the night before she died. We never had told each other we love the other. I cried so hard. I put the note next to her and the only picture of the both of us together in there and a white rose. I sang at her funeral the next day and I helped carry her to her final resting place in Pigeon Forge, TN I thought my life ended at that moment when they lowered her down. Today is her 20th Birthday! Still to this day I think of her and I never wanted to talk about it. It feels better now that I got it out. The point of this is: IF THERE IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE, TELL THEM. NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE. If it is a guy or girl you love, tell them. Tomorrow may be WAY too late. I must move on now with my life but I will always remember the times we shared. When I wake up in the morning and walk outside: She smiles at me. I just know it. She would want me to go on. If you've ever been in love, then you know how I feel. Please forward this to ALL your friends by email or ICQ. I appreciate that you could help me share this simple and true message with everyone. This is the last thing that I can do for my forever Alena...
Tuesday, November 29, 2005 Singapore True Love Story 2 (APerson Who D Believe In LovE)>Love Story 2
Met her on the net, how? I can't remember. But it seems to me that it is this 'little theory', which I declared in the cyberspace that caught her attention. 'If I have a million dollars, I would buy a house. Do I have a million? No. That's y I dun have a house. If I have wings, I can fly. do I have wings? No. So I can never fly. If all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still can't put off the flame of love between us. Can all the waters of Pacific Ocean be drawn off? No. That's y I dun love u.' That's me, a typical science student. 1st u come up with an assumption, and then u fit a suitable conclusion. If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is just bullshit. I guess this is what they call 'unromantic'. But she is an exception. She actually mailed me and said that I'm a interesting' person. 'Interesting'? What a word to use on me, its like using 'faithful' on Mr. Clinton. I thought this gal must be a low-IQ organism, or suffering from serious brain damage. Anyway, her nick doesn't seem so bad- FLYNDANCE- that's quite a unique one. But I was warning myself: hello, this is the virtual world of Internet. Who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful nick. Talking from experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur' in disguise, the only differences will be whether it is a carnivore or an herbivore. But, I know she is way different from a 'dinosaur', she is special. So I guess its time for the appearance of FlyNDance. Ever since she mailed to tell me that I am 'interesting', I was always wishing to meet her in #ajcrr. Too bad, lady luck was just not on my side. So I can only reply her letter to tell her that I will start to train myself to become an 'interesting' person, just to show that she is far-sighted. She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my reply, she again replied my reply to her reply blah blah blah... Oh no, I just started a chain-reaction. Actually what interested me the most is this 'para' she wrote in one of the mails.... 'I dance swiftly, amidst the crowd. your glance on me. be it surprise, be it admiration, it ain't gonna stop my rhythm 'Cos it's not your glance that made me dance, it's my heart of youth.'
I simply cannot relate this gal to any of the 'dinosaurs'. But if she really is a dinosaur, I am willing to let her have her fill. Tye, my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with FlyNDance, and has been perpetually warning me about this.... "HELLO!!!... u don't even know what she looks like, y take the risk??.. maybe 'she' is a guy!!... haha!!.." I can't blame Tye for his ignorance. Ever since he was dumped by Sally in Sec 4, he has become a renowned 'playboy'. As the saying goes: "Once bitten, Twice shy", in this case, after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of skinning snakes alive, and make into soup. But he got all the factors to be a playboy, I always think he is the 19 year-old version of Brad Pitt. Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes diabetes in every women he targets. I dun think he can even remember how many girlfriends he has had. I went online that night, log onto channel #ajcrr and yes!!... she is there. Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a message..... "hey slorr.. so late liao haven't slept ahh??" Now what? Now what??!!.. okok, I had to calm down 1st. I swallowed hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath. Now where is that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial moment, somebody to tell me what to say to her. How am I going to attract her with my pathetic humour which has gone stale. "slorr... me in a foul mood today.. can't sleep.. u leh??" %@*^#)!(, what slorr slorr... now when I read it twice in a row, I m beginning to feel disgusted in that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "who knows.. it might attract some innocent gals in talking to u... haha.." "I m not feeling very good too.... so lets sad together." Finally squeezed a sentence out, but I can already feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead. Actually I m not in a bad mood, I just wanna follow up her topic that's all. And if she ask for the reason for my feeling down, I can say: "since u r feeling down, how can I ever be happy?..." I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHYNESS IS THE FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL COURTSHIP". And gals are a very weird species, they trust their ears far more than their eyes. So instead of doing 10 things to impress her, why not just saya sentence to move her. "ok... but u haven't greet me leh..." DAMNIT!.. how can I forget simple manners to gals. To think they call me 'MR COURTEOUS' in school. If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lose all my female fans. "nice to meet u... miss long-hair.." I've been wishing that she's keeping long hair. Tye said that: "FlyNDance... hmm.. she would either be long-haired or a desperado, 'Cos when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly: hair and skirt. So if she doesn't have long hair, that means her skirt flys when she dances, AH-HA!!.. this has a certain sexual hint in it...haha.." "eh?... how u know I got long hair?.." BINGO!!.. heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she is not a DESPERADO. yesh!!.."not only that.. I also know u seldom wear skirt.." I increased the stake, if I m correct this time, peace on earth forever. "err... I guess u r rite lor.. but how u know one?.." HAHAHAHAHA.... I m good ahh... "just guess..." "ok lor... hey slorr... tell u wat.. me tired liaoz... u coming online tomorrow morning??..." "ya... y??.." Please please please say the u coming too, if not I m going to kill myself for letting u go tonight. "I'll see ya tomorrow at 10 am then...good night..." "er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too" I just blurted out a last sentence.... Offline. Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just now. But is the season of spring really arriving for me??... I wish. "slorr... what a coincidence ahh..." yeh... I m not late. "ya lor... so qiao.." Gals are weird, I thought we already had an arrangement, y do I have to pretend that its not. They must have watched too many movies, and like to think that guys they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can happen to their love life. "slorr.... u talking nonsense lah..." NONSENSE???.. ok, let me tell u what nonsense. Summer's beach, the guy must be good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion with a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter. Then he will call out loud the name of the gal, running towards her, carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwisely. "slorr.... u siao liaoz ahh??" I siao?.. ok.. lets change a location then. Deep in the mountains, the guy must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist, carries a sketching stand, a few pieces of drawings, and u can see birds stop over at his side, admiring his work. and there will be a gal whose the model....most problemably naked. "slorr.. but these all very romantic mah..." ROMANTIC??.. hello miss... romance only survive in novels and movies. In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or the gal may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles. Birds may just clear their waste on top of the guy in the mountains, or he might get a thrashing from the gal because he comments on the excess fats around the waist and hips. "slorr... u hate romance??.." I hate romance?... nope, I m just using my knowledge of statistic to get a deduction, that guys must be TALL to be romantic, not HANDSOME!!!.. some love novels even portrayed the guy as normal looking, but no-one dares to challenge the height of him!.. I object.... because I m not tall. "slorr.... objection overruled..." I think I m really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about these until noon. "slorr... are u hungry?..." "ya... u leh??...." "yesh... guess its time for lunch...slorr.." "then do u think we should....??" "slorr... I m just asking... I dun intend to have lunch with u..." ok, good.. I m not romantic... neither are u. I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the conversation with FlyNDance this morning. "U moron... told her u r not romantic... u siao ah?.." "u have disgrace me man... how can u make such a big mistake?....I...I..." Tye grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the trembling of the hand and the wing. "there are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a gal... one...dun forget to be romantic,.. two ... dun be too honest... 3... dun be too stingy on the sugar in our speech... noticed number 1, u stupid??" what rubbish is that??.... "In mandarin we say 'nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai', u should know this..." this I know, but it has been a controversial topic over centuries. "women aren't really that... cheap.. so y would they only falls for 'bad guys' like me??... that's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic... those 'nice guys' are usually... dumdums...so she would rather choose a romantic 'bad guy' rather than any of those dumdums... in maths we call this 2C1...understand?...dumdum.." oh, Tye is talking about maths!!.. now I understand. No wonder I have always been left on the shelf. "in another words... gals wouldn't mind if u r not tall... if u r not handsome... they can bear with ur inconsiderate acts...can forget ur stupidity...but they can never forgive if u r not romantic..." come on, this is so exaggerating. "hey... most women have a 'knot' for romance.. just like most men have a 'knot' for virginity...to women they just can't understand how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men, same thing, men can't imagine how important women treats romance.' this is bullshit! how come I've never heard of that. "the key word is 'knot'...if u can untie it... fine.. but how many had actually succeeded in that... practically none..." ok, fine. now I've done it...so what should I do to remedy the situation? "face it... u r hopeless already... I promise u I'll have a drink with u when u and her are over..." U SONOFABITCH. Mid-night. I m trying to concentrate on my physicsnotes....F=ma,v=u+at...it's really a wonder that nature can be explained by just a few formulas and equations, and this we call science. then y is astrology and palmistry being labeled as superstitious? science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, wat can't be explained by science, it doesn't necessary mean that's its unreal.... Close to 1am. since I can't get anything into my head, I shall try my luck on net then, maybe she is there... "slorr...u here finally... good night to u... .." 'FINALLY'? strange word to use it here. Wat is she doing here at this hour? must be feeling down again. "yes... it is fate that brought me to u at this moment..." I m trying very hard to convince her that I m a bit romantic. "slorr... nothing to do with fate...I waited 4 u 4 one hour liaoz..." "sure or not?.. for wat?.." "talk to u mah...or else I can't sleep..." "u sick izzit?... go see doctor lah..." " ...." "slorr....let's continue our topic.. wat do u think of relationships that begins on the internet?..." oh my god... how should I answer her now? "its.. its very... romantic..." indeed I m not a good liar, even my words are shaking now. "slorr... u bluffing... u not romantic one mah..." GAME OVER. I m finished!.. no choice but to drink with Tye. "slorr.... u lagging?... or just daoing me?..." "no... I m wondering y is the sky so chio tonight?.." "nonono... dun try to shift the topic... slorr..." sigh... I give up... I asked for it myself. Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is considered as ROMANTIC, 'Cos romance gives people an impression of unreal, and cyberspace is virtual. "slorr....that's interesting.."
2 surfers keep a safe distance from each other and usually 3 types of pple are produced in this way. The 1st type.... The 1st type being those who present themselves on net with their 'secondary personality'. Usually all of us consists of multiple personalities, and in everyday life, wat we present to the world is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one being suppressed, or maybe we dun even realised this other trait of us deep inside. so internet is the place where this side of us is revealed, both intentionally or without conscious knowledge. "izzit true?... wat about 2nd type?.." the 2nd type are those who will transform themselves into the kind of man/woman he/she would want to be. theres bound to be 1 or 2 characteristics that u particularly admire, too bad, sometimes these characteristics are just couldnt be found in u. cyberspace is the perfect location for this transformation to occur. "slorr.... u blowing cow izzit?.. type 3 leh?..." I m not blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES mag!! type 3 will be those who transform themselves into characters which are impossible for them to become in real life. For example, if u r a gal, you may act as a man on net. you may even become BATMAN or SUPERMAN if u want. "hm..thats pretty amazing..." the 1st type is the 'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality that is being presented on net. the 2nd type is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to admire others, always forgets his own strong pts. the 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 something impossible. "slorr.... den u belong to wat type?... me leh?.." i dun wish to believe u r type 3, 'cos i m not. I crossed the possibility of type 1 'cos its too common, because i think u r special. being able to attract u, i think i am at least a bit special, so we belong to type 2. "type2.... den who u wish to become?..slorr.." i certainly would like to become a person like Tye,humorous, romantic and eloquent, 'cos these are wat i m lacking of. "slorr.... wat about me?.." U?.. i dun know. U want to FLY and DANCE,probably that means u wish to fully enjoy ur youth while u can. But if this is somethng u wish yet u can't achieve, den theres 2 possibilities: 1, u r aging, 2, u r leaving the world. i think i said something wrong, 'cos she didn't sent me anymore msg after this. i began to blame myself for being so perverted. Why talk about these things?.. I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be the queen of caldecott hill. Damn that TIMES mag for poisoning my mind. Maybe she's lagging. So i waited... and waited. although its just a few minutes, but it felt like several hours. I wanted to apologize, but do not know how to start. until she sent me this msg: "slorr... lets meet..." Without hesitation, i used the hand that I had used it over 18 years to wipe myass, typed 'O-K'. I m supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight , 8pm, at the entrance of McDonald's, the one beside YMCA. That's the best time and place to meet a gal u have never met b4, according to Tye, 'Cos they would have taken their dinner by that time which means we can simply go inside the Mc and have some fries and coke. She will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will be wearing my usual blues. This is our way of identification. She told me she is not those 'cute gals' I may think she is. I said nevermind, I m not Brad-pitt either. then she told me she has long ago given up on this hope already."slorr... u r early..." while I was idling, a gal tapped my shoulders from my back. Although I was already mentally prepared for anything that's gonna appear in front of me, I was still astonished by this gal who stood in front of me now. If not for the coffeee theme and that 'slorr', I would think she is only asking for directions. 'Cos she is one of those chio bus that can only be found on orchard road, usually while I am crossing the road. Maybe I suffered from a serious concussion due to the heavy blow, my mind was extraordinarily calm. "had ur dinner rite?.. I think we shall go inside the Mc 1st..." "u r pretty smart huh?... a good way to save money indeed..." AIYA!~!... she knows me soooo well, I can only give her an innocent smile back. Since she's so pretty, I ordered 2 LARGE cokes, and even ordered TWO packets of fries. "this time u treat, next time i'll let u treat..." I am not falling for that, miss... but I m glad she mentioned 'next time'. "slorr... r u disappointed when u saw me just now?.." DISSAPPOINTED?...r u drunk?.. " Why do u think I will be disappointed then?.." "'cos i told u i am not cute mah, so u must be quite dissappointed when u saw me.." She is making 0 sense, but i know she is just trying to hint that she's actually cute. "then why did u have to lie that u r not cute?" "slorr... i said i am not cute... i didn't say i m not pretty.." #$%$##%^*&%$@!!! "but u r also quite....decent looking what.. its not like what u described to me too.." 'DECENT'? a very vague word. To many gals, decent=boring. One good thing is that she didn't lie to me about the fact that she is keeping long hair. She also has a fair complexion which reminds me of HL milk I take almost everyday. It is now only that i found out she is from ACJC, but had spent her 1st 3 mths in AJ. Sitting in front of each other, we talk about many things. From her obsession with coffee to my hobby of watching movies. in btw, she had completely shoke off my misconception of 'if she is pretty, she is brainless'. she appears to be an attractive gal, both physically and character wise, talking, smiling to me, occasionally being a little sarcastic and nasty. Its like a dream. We left the Mc at around 10 pm. Since its still early, i decided to send her home and fortunately, its just Ang Mo Kio, two MRT stops from mine.
I would have a second thought if she's staying at Pasir Ris. "slorr... congratulations.... u r officially permitted to date me from now on..." she said this b4 the lift door closed. Back at home, i realized that i hadn't asked for her real name, maybe its the influence of that stoopid Tye. Tye told me:" never ask a pretty gal her name the 1st time u meet her, 'cos there are already too many wolves out there dying to know, so she will be more interested in you if u act bochap..." then y didn't she ask for mine? dun tell me theres a female version of Tye telling her not to? it's again 1am. time to meet her in #ajcrr. "hi!... slorr.. u tired?..." Of 'cos i m tired after all the surprises she presented me today, i would go straight to my bed if not for her. but y is she here also?... isn't she tired too?.. "long time no see.. how r u?.." "slorr u siao ah?... 2 hours only leh.. miss me?..." "A)yes.. B)of'cos..C)abuden...D)dying to see u...E)all of above.... answer is E..."" :)..." seems like she is really tired, even the smiling face is yawning to me rite now. "u wanna go for a movie tomorrow?.." maybe i should ask her now, while she is half asleep, hoping that she will blur-blurly type 'OK'. "should be no problem... what show?..." HOOOOORAY!!... i m cheering for her fatique. "we decide what show tomorrow... anyway whats important is watch with who... not the show.." Tye's fav line, i m just borrowing it. " ..." "u should go sleep now lah..." "wait one little while... u haven't tell me u tired or not?.." "ok lah... a bit.... u leh?.." "i m exhausted.... but have to say good night to u 1st... slorr..if not i can't sleep.." "me too...." i can't believe i m doing this SILLY business rite now.... "ok i tell u what.... i count 1,2,3... then we log off together..." "ok.... good night slorr..." "same to u.." "1...." "2..." "3.." I never talk whenever i m inside a cinema, and now is the best time for my mouth to rest, so I spent the following 3 hours to admire this much-talked-about movie of the century, Titanic. I m not a romantic person, so its perfectly understandable if i can't really appreciate this motion picture fully, except for all those stunning special effects. But something struck me when Jack said to Rose b4 he sank into the deep..... "Rose, listen to me... listen.... winning that ticket was the best thing that had happened to me... it brought me to u.... and i m thankful, Rose.... i m thankful...." suddenly i felt much fortunate than Jack, 'cos I dun have to risk my life to board Titanic, all I have to do is to switch on my PC every night. But he's one lucky guy too, 'cos he knows how to draw, and just look at how slowly he was drawing Rose, that made me blame myself for the lack of this talent. But to her, this movie wasnt just about drawings or special effects. i noticed that packet of tissue paper she was holding in her hand. and just when Rose said:" i promise... i will never let go, Jack... i'll never let go.." she opened up her sling bag and here comes the reserve handkerchief. Damn that celine Dion, y on earth did she had to sing that "MY HEART WILL GO ON" at the end of the show. For all the female species inside the theater, its like "MY TEARS WILL ALSO GO ON". "Ok... movie ended...lets go...."
I stood up, speaking to her gently. Worried that every single word i breathe out might just crush her, and kill her. She continued to sit on the position, looking at me with her beautiful eyes that just came back from a swim. After a while, she said... "slorr.... movie ended..... but life goes on.. m I rite?..." i nodded my head... but i just wished somebody might give me some clue of what she was saying. Finally we managed to leave Orchard cineplex, since its still early, we decided to take a walk down the street. Along the way, she seems unusually quiet. So I guess Tye was rite about the 'TITANIC FLU'. He said that gals often got so mentally distressed after watching this show that it's the best time to launch an emotional attack on her. That's y Tye had watch Titanic for over 5 times roughly. Her eyes were focused on the path or the crowds but i know her mind was still left on Titanic, sinking with her, waiting for somebody to pull her up. I just kept my mouth shut 'cos I know i m not a good swimmer. We walked to Plaza Singapura. Suddenly she stopped in front of a Christian Dior counter. "slorr.. have u read a novel called 'fragrance'?..." "err..nope.... y do u ask?..." "look at this 'DOLCE VITA' from Christian Dior... its what the guy bought for her girlfriend in the story on her birthday.... and he told her 'DOLCE VITA' is french meaning 'SWEET TIMES'..." she pointed to a bottle of perfume at the counter, but i was more interested at the price tag around the neck of the bottle. "oh...izzit?..." "slorr... then do u consider today as 'sweet times'...?" "at first i do... but some pts are deducted since u started crying..." "that means it can only be considered a little bit sweet, i'll buy the small bottle then..." i insisted to pay for the perfume as her bdae present from me since i know her birthday is coming soon, this kinda saves me a lot of trouble of finding a present for her. luckily its just perfume, i would have to pawn my underwear if that guy in the story gives her girlfriend diamond or gold bar. "r u hungry?....wanna sit down and have something?..." "i dun have appetite... what about u?.." "you eat, i eat...." her eyes are red again...... i m such a fool. Finally got away from the noisy crowd at the mrt station. Walking on one of the steets of AMK ave6. Contrastingly, its so quiet now that i even can hear the rythm of her heartbeat. "slorr... do u know what's the correct way of applying perfume?...." I shoke my head. In fact, i had never used a perfume or cologne b4,medicated oil maybe. "1st u apply some behind ur ears... then ur neck and wrists... after that spray some onto the air, then walk through it..." "sure or not?... in that case this little bottle wont even be able to last u for 3 days...." "slorr.. shall we try?..." "'we'?... u go ahead... i m a MAN..." She opened up that DOLCE VITA...she applied some behind her ears, neck then the wrist... and she really did spray some onto the air!!... WABIANGZ!!.. expensive leh!... finally she stretched out her hands... facing up... like enjoying the raindrops falling on her face... "hahaha.... slorr... this is so fun!.... now its ur turn...." She went through the same procedures with me and i can feel the coldness of her fingers. Maybe its the perfume... i guess. "slorr... get ready... i m going to spray!!..." i imitated her.. face up... and walked through my 1st perfume rain. "slorr lets have another round!!..." WHAT!!... serious?.. my money isn't easy to come by leh!!.... b4 i can collect the broken pieces of my heart, she had walked through her second round. she was even more excited this time, hoping around, like her nick.... a flying and dancing butterfly. Late night of AMK, the streets smells unusually nicer rite now. Until we finished the whole of that DOLCE VITA. "DOLCE VITA is exhausted... i guess this sweet time shall end now too.... slorr.. i'll go up now.... tonight 1am. i wont be online, and u r not to do so too..." "huh?....but why?...." "go online at 12pm tomorrow.. u will know....remember... only at 12pm..." She turned and walked into the lift... at the same time... i saw an obvious pink patch behind her neck... which is visible only now be'cos she tied her hair. I looked up towards her window on the 4th floor from below, but it never light up. i switched off the light in my room... engulfed in the absolute darkness... 'cos i wished to have the same kind of feeling as her right now... i realised in complete darkness... the easiest mood one gets...is loneliness.. she must be lonely rite now... half asleep.. i almost can see a beautiful butterfly.. turning to ashes amidst the sea of flame... and that patch behind her neck.. from pink it became red... then burgundy.. slowly.. it wallowed me.... was it the cause of that can of beer just now?... suddenly i felt cold... and shaky.. and that coolness seemed to have come straight from my heart... the rate of my heartbeat was an exponential function of time as it got closer to 1am... USE A DIFFERENT NICK!!... checked .. she isn't there.... my heart was beating fast...but the temp remained below healthy level........ Finally its 12 pm, excited as i was, i logged on the net, yet there was still no sign of FlyNDance. But theres a mail from her...... Dear slorr, At first i thought it will be easier for me to settle down in the darkness... recollecting memories we have shared... but all i felt was loneliness...... can u feel it too?... I still can't change the habit of logging on at 1am... so i used a different nick to sneak into AJCRR... u dun blame me right?...... u werent there... should i feel glad for ur obedience?.... U said both of us belonged to TYPE 2... the foolish type... maybe u r right!... 'cos I really do admire those who dares to fight for their desires... I stroke my hair gently when u said that i m leaving the world... and a few strands of hair fell..... No!... doctor told me its not a terminal disease... and doctor aren't supposed to lie!!?... I still can live like a normal person... BUT CAN I?.. FlyNDance... is it really something i wont be able to do?... After the 1st meeting with u at Mc...I started to realise that u r not only a virtual being living in the cyberspace... in reality u r strong, gentle and sensitive!.... i can feel the defense wall of my heart is slowly breaking apart.... i m defeated... I tied my hair today.. 'cos my fren told me that i look more attractive this way... I want u to remember my face as it is today... 'cos after today... everything may change.... But why didn't u ask for my real name?..that's why i never asked for urs... i m a gal mah..... do u realised how i wish to have something more than a nick to take along with me?... Slorr... thank u for the DOLCE VITA... finally got a taste of what sweet times are like... but i m really sorry..... i just couldnt bear to say goodbye..... since it started from a mail.... it should end with a mail too.... Its been 3 months and 2 days since the very 1st mail... not a very long time but it isn't short either.... our story began from me... and I will end it.. Maybe its what u said... 'internet is fast and convenient, but it isn't perfect'.... I can send u my thoughts right away... but not my tears... Its about 5.30am now.... time to go.... by the time u receive this mail... i would be trying to settle down somewhere else.... i dun know.... Good Bye. With lotsa love, FlyNDance After reading her mail, i felt as if i had just experienced a roller-coaster ride which Almost derailed. she had shown me the other side of her, soft and sensitive. For a couple of mths, i was trying to hypnotize myself, to suppress my feelings whenever I started to think about her again. Perpetually i was telling myself, she is just one virtual character that flys and dance in the net, but never in the real world. I became a fugitive, escaping from my PC, escaping from the internet and anything that has to do with coffee. i hid myself behind the piles of lecture notes, behind the crowd of pple, trying to get rid of this thought of missing something in life. But i failed. I found out that its not that i dun miss her, its just that i had forgotten the passion that always comes along when u r having something hanging on ur mind all the time. Its like i cannot not breath, its just that I had forgotten the fact that i have been breathing in and out for the past 19 years. I can hold my breath for a while, but not forever. I have to find her. "err... i m looking for ... er.. FlyNDance...." "HUH??..." 'huh'.... this is the exact word i was expecting from her. She seems to be FlyNDance's elder sister, 20++, looked quite a beauty too even without any makeup. But of 'cos, still can't be compared with her... I explained to her my purpose for knocking on the door and told her that i am no stalker whom she might think i m. Surprisingly when i told her my disgusting nick, slorr, she appeared to be rather excited and quickly she scribbled something on a small piece of paper and handed it to me..... "u should go and see her.."
SGH, Room 3-425 This is the 1st time i've ever stepped into the Singapore General Hospital. Its a dust-free space, everything looked soo clean, tidy and arranged. But i dun like the feeling it gave me... I entered room 3-425, she was there, in a deep sleep... i stood by her, watching... her hair was still as long as before, lying across the soft, White pillow... her face looked roundish now, I know it's the side-effect of the medicine... and the pinkish-red patch that was on her neck had spread to her face... appearing in a shape of a butterfly.. nevertheless.. she was still the most beautiful butterfly i've ever seen... Her eyelashes twitched slightly.. she must be dreaming... what's that in her dream??... Mcdonald's fries and coke?.. sinking Titanic?..or the rain at AMK ave 6?.. The room was getting darker as the clock approaches 6pm.. i wanted to switch on the light... 'cos I hate to see her lying lonely under the shadow of a patient's room.... But i m worried that her dreams might be disturbed by the sudden light rays... while i was in a dilemma.. her eyes opened slowly... Her eyes were wide on me.. then she turned away suddenly.. i can only see her back at this moment... she lost weight... after a long time.. she turned to face me again.. rubbed her eyes... and smiled.... "slorr.. u r here!..." "yes... nice weather today.. isn't it?.." "ya lor.. sky also very chio today?.. right?...heehee.." 'SKY VERY CHIO'... i can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our AJCRR meetings... But she didn't realized that it's raining today... "slorr.... why r u standing there.. sit down.." Thanks for reminding me.. i just found out that my legs were numbed due to the several hours of standing... "slorr... u lost weight..." ME?.. i thought i should be the one who's saying this to her!!??.... "slorr.. u hungry?... had ur lunch?.." "food here isn't so good.. thats why patients like me always slim down a bit.." "apart from that.. its quite ok.. but sometimes i feel really bored without a PC here to talk to u.." "slorr.. hows ur mid-year?.. sure did very well right?.." WAIT A MINUTE!.. u r the one who's lying on bed right now!!.. not me!....Yet.. i had nothing to ask her actually.. 'cos I was there to see her.. not to find out the answers to those questions.. maybe now its the time for me to utter some touching lines like whats in the case of a movie.. But i m not a Romantic person... moreover... movies are fiction.. life isn't.. I just wished that she could leave this place which almost made me sick as soon as possible... back to AMK ave6, back to ACJC, back to where she belonged.... and i promised she wont be alone anymore.. 'cos I will always be there... After a while... her mum was here to see her.. around the age of 50, slightly overweight.. other than the cheerful smile... she didn't really remind me of FlyNDance... "err... i think i've gotta go now... bye bye auntie.." "You....You..." she sat up straight in a sudden.. like experienced a tremendous shock... "i'll be here again tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow... until u leave this place..." Before i went back home, i went to Plaza Singapura again to buy that Christian Dior Dolce Vita...and i've got the biggest bottle this time, so that she can even swim in it. i tried not to close my eyes that night, 'cos I want to go to her as soon as the 1st sun ray shoots into my room. I hired a cab as i didn't want to waste too much time on bus. "slorr.. u r here.. i've been waiting for u for a long time..." "had a good night's rest?..." "oh... i didn't allow myself to fall into a deep sleep... 'cos i know u wont wake me up when u r here..." "then u should take a rest now..." "err... since u r here already... i dun think I can..."
I gave her the Dolce Vita, and we'd agreed that we would dance in the rain in front of SGH main entrance the day she's discharged. i dare not look straight at her... 'cos theres a butterfly on her face.. it was only last night b4 I leave SGH that i found out she's suffering from an illness called ERYSIPELAS.. what the unprofessionals call the BUTTERFLY DISEASE...but i what i like is the coffee butterfly that is able to dance around freely.... not that pinkish-red butterfly that settled on her pale complexion... moreover.. whats a butterfly if it can't fly.... "slorr..why r u looking at me.. and not talking?..." i dun know...'cos i noticed that shes getting weaker physically... I had a bad feeling about this... "slorr... i m thirsty... can u get me a drink?.." I m not leaving her at this moment. I can still remember a movie about this guy who went all the way to get red bean soup for his girlfriend who's on sickbed... and to find her lying silently on the white bedsheet when he came back... never to wake up again... "r u trying to get rid of me... like whats in that movie?.." "slorr... movie is movie... life is life..." MOVIE?..LIFE?.... "but i thot u just had a drink?... anyway.. so what can i get for u?..." "Ultimate Ice Blended!!...." This is a hospital leh!!... did she think I can find Coffeee Bean everywhere on this island?...like Mcdonalds... whatsmore... coffeee wasnt suitable for her at that time... "err.... coffee isn't good for health.. order something else... ok?..""so u know coffee isn't good for the body too... then u should cut down on ur intake oso... ok?.." i saw her smile appearing... and theres a shine in her eyes...i realised that shes just trying to tell me not to drink too much coffee in the future... My heart seemed to have suffered from a heavy blow... This is not good... a taste of pH<7 decent="dull">
Sunday, November 27, 2005 Singapore True Love Story 1 (Cancer Patient Love story )>There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... a cancer that can't be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once. So he asked his mother and she gave him permission. He walked down his block and found a lot of stores. He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight. He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat. She looked up and asked "Can I help you?" She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there. He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it. "Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again. He nodded and she went to the back. She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her. So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out... !!!RRRRRING!!! The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?" It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday... "The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother. Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one. Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn The mother opened another CD... Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn Love is... when you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You"
>When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them. At that moment, you are in love. Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love. Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are desperately waiting for the call! At that moment, you are in love. If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love. When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone, you are in love. When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love. You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love. While you are reading this page, if someone appears in your mind, then u are in love with that person.
Monday, November 21, 2005 True Singapore Story 1 ( A HeartLess Mother )>This is a true story which happen from one of my very good bro . He name is Ben is a very Fit & handsome guy who has his own business. He was married at the age 23 ,he treat his wife like a treasure and 1 years later the have their 1st seed of love a baby boy call Nicholas he was a clever and cute boy he bring the bond of the parents closer .They have usually work in their own F&B factory where his whole family.
When one day disastrous least expected happen where they have this driver name X is acturally having an affair with Ben wife but no one in the family found out about it .It continue for month when Ben suddenly to get suspicious and one day Ben discover and he hid it to himself for a while and one day he cannot tolerate anymore he spill everything out when his family and of course informs of his wife and once the news was expose .
Since the day Ben expose , the life changed it is filled with sorrow and darkness and worse of all the wife is so EVIL she call all his friends to come to Ben house to Buy those thing which she have bought from Overseas she paste a sticker on those things and her friends will choose those thing they want its like Ben was being raid .Ben could not tolerate anymore he finally shed his first tear Ben Said :"what have I done wrong , why this kind of unfortunate thing happen to me " I treat her like a princess what she wan I give it to her why did she want to do this kind of things behind my back .........WHY........."
At that period he have change into someone with No Hope , No future .Soon he isolate himself from the outside world his mother Mdm lee was so sad and worry but he told Ben don't worry you still have a place call "HOME" and a "FAMILY" always be there for you cared and loved for you when thing happen
Soon after a few month Ben wife come out another EVIL plot .She had a make a Agreement paper and ask Ben father to sign and she told her that is just a normal proceed that need Ben father to sign and Ben father just sign it but they least expected they did something WRONG the statement in the agreement is acturally asking for Ben to give her a monthly allownace of S$2800 per Month OMG !!!! THAT B**** and she d wan her son also that EVIL WOMEN Argggg!!!!
And after all the unhappy thing that had happen to him he have put all his hope on his only Dearest Son , he provide him with all the Best thing ,let him learn what Nicolas desire Ben will work hard for his son no matter how the rocky and tough it is he will always there holding Nicolas hands and walk tillthey reach a peaceful place they desire where Both Nicolas & Ben Could live happily ever after .....
P.S : The Moral Of The Story Is where there is a Goal ,Aim ,Desire no matter how hard or tough it takes they will work hard for it because it is for someone they love and care not jus anyone .Love might be blind but True love is hard to find when u have reali found someone who you and trust and shared your problem with never let them slip off your hands bec you might not have a second chance to find another better than Him/Her .Treasure what is given to you not what u desire .Trust ME Its True
As For Me My faith in love is still devout & my love for faith is still passionate.
* -"love is like wind. You can't see it, but you can feel it." -Jamie Sullivan * -True love happens when you see her flaws, understand her weaknesses, overlook her imperfections and yet, you still cannot live without her.
*-No matter how dark the night , morning always comes. And our journey begins anew if i cry, can you hear me in my lines?can you touch my tears with your hands...
Friday, November 18, 2005 Thougths In The Cold>You are gone. The river is high at my door. Cicadas are mute on dew-laden boughs. This is a moment when thoughts enter deep. I stand alone for a long while. ...The North Star is nearer to me now than spring, And couriers from your southland never arrive -- Yet I doubt my dream on the far horizon That you have found someone Else.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005 Life Has No Rehearsal, This Is The Real Thing>The childish Innocence that has faltered away,As I remember my lovely youthful days,Bringing back a sweet smile in my way.O! How I used to play with friends,And how we used to think without extent.This precious game has subtly met its end.And as I walk, cherishing these thoughts,The sky becomes ever so pink, and full of naught.These are intangible smiles, for which I have sought.Time is a cruel warrior that must carryMemories and plays that used to be so merry,Turning us into creatures so scary.The passing of the years...Life is too short but nonetheless too beautiful.And all those smiles, and tears shed, are a real gift.But past is past, now look upon the future deeds.Enjoy your days you who are young,For life has no rehearsal... This is the real thing.
Sunday, November 13, 2005 World of lies>Black pedals descend from up above Gracefully and peacefully, such like a dove Swaying, Floating, looking oh so beautiful Diamonds shimmer, just clear as crystal
Feeble yet daring a world this may be Calm, soothing, crimson moss so cozy Flowing Fields stretch on to lengths of imagination So silent, so royal, a sleeping lion...
Patterns in silk flowing in intricate perfection Innocent as the ordinary loyal churchmen A curtain of indecent horrid lies Lays here, right before your eyes
Friday, November 11, 2005 How can I tell you what I feel for you>How can I tell you what I feel for you?When I think of you my feelings twist insideAs if someone's fist reached in and grabbed a few,And turned and turned them tight and tangled. I've triedSomehow to say: You're the sun in my sky,The wind that takes me where I want to go,The sweet incense that makes me feel so highThat loving you seems all I need to know.But it all sticks in my throat! It sounds too cute,Empty as a wrinkled paper bag.You won't believe it! Better I stay muteThan offer you cliches that make you gag.And yet I wish to tell you of my love,If only love its own locks would remove!
Love>I do not mean to put our love on hold.I really can't decide what I should do.I don't like always running hot and cold,But I don't know yet what I feel for you.I am afraid of getting too involvedAnd then, perhaps, of causing greater pain.It's easier to get this thing resolved,Yet then I find I'm weeping once again.If only life were walking on the beach,Talking, laughing, holding honest hands,With everything we want just out of reach,And no sign of the lurking buts and ands.If I could say just purely the word love,Or bear to turn my back and say goodbye,Then you and I could from this moment move,And let ourselves at last rejoice or cry.
Thursday, November 10, 2005 The Forrest of My Life>Sunlight occasionally shining through Rain cascading down onto me Mighty winds of change blowing cold A clearing now and thenLife has been one long walk in the deep woods
Most of my life has been spent in shadow Dense, dark and dank, no sunlight shining through Stumbling, ever stumbling fighting my way Bumps and bruises were all I ever found Never giving up on my way to you
Just when the trees where thickest Winter was at its coldest No light was to be foundI nearly surrendered to the dark Suddenly a ray of light found its way
Your love lit the path I found the fields of freedomTogether we play in the meadow of our love An eternal spring of warmth and bloom Bed of green grass and blankets of wild flowers
Waterfalls of love washing over our souls Springs of eternal happiness we drink from Succulent wild melons and nuts to taste Our minds and bodies nourished with love Giving ourselves to the other our journey complete
P.S :There is always solution to problem ,Life is always full of Hope and Wonder's .You are never alone .Love are always flying around in the air is just how you catch it when you have a chance .
Tuesday, November 08, 2005 360 Change all of a sudden in life>So Boring a new 2term start many thing happen during 1 term and many me very moody maybe this is call life ba .Many thing happen like the gust of wind and vanish like the candle in the wind maybe this is call life ba .It's like Every second there is someone dead but every 0.2 second there is a new Born baby comes to this world .Life is full of surprise and depression every step you take every each time there is always something waiting ahead of you and every pain and depression you get its and experience you learn in life .Life Might be a Wonderland to someone , life can even be Hell to someone .No one is perfect in life ,treasure someone that love you and cared for you not those who you want their love and cared .Think before you do anything that will destroy your own happiness in life .Always remember Treasure to treasure the happy moment you have with your love ones and Treasure them with all your Heart & Soul .Not Treasure them when they are Gone .If not you might regret it Forever.
*P.S :Love is patience, love is kind, it does not envy nor lie.
Monday, November 07, 2005 I MIsS U EvErY SinGle Day Of My LiFe>Itz was 12.39am in the morning i could not get to bed as i was have a bad cough and vomit bec of the cough i see alittle amount of blood in the yuCky substance i vomit and i decide to when downstair to buy some drinks to replenish my throat and cool my lungs. I see not a single soul on the road and i went to 7-11 and bought a drink as i was drinking i took a stroll to the park and i felt the cool breeze blowing onto my face and i decide to take a sit in the park and enjoy the breeze and drink and suddenly my brain flash an image of her and i felt a sudden lonelimess in me so .I decided to take a jog around the neighbourhood and some how i jog where i found myself outside her house .Than suddenly tears roll down my eye and i think back about the past when i was by her side when she was sad and happy .i stand at the corner of the carpark beside her house and look at her bedroom window for sometime .And i decide to walk back home with my eyes red and my eye leashes wet and i reach home at 3am . And i sit down on my arm chair and cry and i say I MISS YOU DEARLY .With the promise i made to be with you and take care of you from now till forever ...................But will there be such a chance for me all i can is to HOPE!
When those soft fingers reach in the end,Only now, only you, won't that be all you can believe in? Everyone is breaking down, searching too long for a wishYou�re looking for a place where you can land Wounded, unable to stop shakingIf these murmuring feelings are indeed our reality� We break each other down till we can't even moveOur solitary wings overlapped,We've not encountered the light; Reveal the glare this age gives off With eyes filled with sadness, with each kissGrowing greater, growing softer, I felt I'd be protected A heart without even one thing to hold on toEn route to solitude, there is a world losing sight Things that can change grow frighteningIn the deep pulsation that lies aheadPainted in the exchanged flames, I can see eternity
Friday, November 04, 2005 For the Girl i Love (Jasmine)>Never shed a tear, Unless you fearI'll treat you with tenderness and care,Make your nightmares disappearIn this dark, cold room,Filled with bad luck and doomThere's no need to hide,I'll always be by your side
The love will be cuteand ours will be dark They kiss and hug and we play in the dark They hold hands while we make out They trade bands while we go outThey are asleep when we are having funThey will have ended whenWe've just begun
True Love>True love happens when you see her flaws, understand her weaknesses, overlook her imperfections and yet, you still cannot live without her.
When will I get to tell you what I have in mind?
You have forgotten that I am a human. Yet perhaps I am the one who is forgetting...
Who else am I gonna lean on When times get rough Who's gonna talk to me on the phoneTill the sun comes up Who's gonna take your place There aint nobody better
I see no hope. I see no light. I see no future
If you love someone so much,and your not ever with them,whats the use of loving them?
Learning Journey of life>Well the fact is always a fact you can never run away from it. No matter where u go you will still faced the same problem the more u d wanna faced the more it will surfaced . haha for so long since i last love someone so much and yet i fail again i think i am born to be a failur in love ba haha lao tian always make me fallen in love for the gal haha why i am serious hurt and lost why jasmine why why u wanna do that to me time i can arrange de but i cannot always accompany u to places ir with ur friends what about my kick them away haha what i wish is jus someone to love and shared things with izzit so difficult .REALLL !!! so DIFFICULT
Thursday, November 03, 2005 The Girls i wish to be with 4EveR>This Girl which i love is a special 1 to me her name is Jasmine .for her i am willing to give up anything for .I know her very long it was last yr i Express my love for her jus as she has been broke up with her BF for couple of month but he kept coming back to pester her.But when i shoot the news to her i think she was shock for a moment bec of that she did not contact or msg me and finally she give me a call asking if i would like to join her for lunch .when i heard the news i cannot believe my eyes and i was in cloud 9 and i slowly getting close to know 1 another more .And when she was sad trying to overcome her EX-BF and the past feeling i was there to talk to her to confort her through out the whole process and i notice that she is a girl who is very blur about thing and sometimes i will be havig ahard time trying to talk her out and during that sad period everytime she call me i will rush to find her talk to her and than bring her to those place she would find her favourite food in Potong Pasir the hawker center that sell very nice BBQ CHICKEN WING and nice fish balls noodle previously their stall was @ lao pa shar and during the period when they are renovating it they move to potong pasir and she have a happy meal after long cry and than i know my feelings for her is getting strog and i discover that i have fallen in love with her and soon we begin to go out shopping and watching movie etc and until they day she went into poly she started to dye her hair and many changes happen i even accompany her to this Atom in orchard famous for their hair cutting skill many magzine report say that their style are more to the jap so she call me and ask me to accompany her so i did i go with her after her hair cut she think its not nice than we proceed to Bugis the Soon saloon if i am not wrong to get her hair cut again and dye haha that time was the most cute side of her when she is doing alot of things to her hair and soon thing change as she could not get over the feeling of her Ex-BF and she started to go to pub to get herslef drunk and etc and Ever since than i will cook something for her to bring is to school as breakfast and she seems to like it alot so i did that of quite a long time and i stop as i have some sch project to commit and the most is i call and talk to her or call her in the morning to chitchat with her all the way until she reaches school .sometimes i know sh likes grapes i would buy 1 kg of grapes and peel the skin for her and pack it inside a container jus for her to eat .but somrhow i notice there is a suddenyl change in her 16-Oct-2005 in the morning when i login to msn she msg me that she miss the pass when i am with her bring her to dinner and etc and called me "Dear" i was stun for a while and i ask her what happen and she say her Ex-Bf came and beat her up again and ask her get out of his sight BITCH !and i was shock he beat her up again as Even she is angry i let her scold me beat me but i never fight back nor lay a hand on her and there is where my first tears is shed than iwas think if she has accept me as her BF but sad case after a few days she change again she become very Cold to me and i felt sudden lost what has happen to her so i msg her on 19-Oct-2005 mid night i ask her if she is willing to be my GF as i am ready from her and the next morning she reply me Give me 1 week to thing about it and than i say OK but thing slowly getting more lost for her and i discovered i try to type a letter out on sun day mid night telling her that she no need to give me an answer as i noe she is confused of what she wan so i say its ok i will jus wait for u when u r ready u can give me an answer anytime and in a week she seems to be back .But the reason why she always ask me to accompany her to pub but i decline is that i d wan to spoilt her beautiful and cute image of her in my heart thats why i decline so after that she has many nites cannot get to slp i also d dared ask her why .but recently she show me a pic of a guy and her taking pic when i saw it i suddenly my heart Broke into pieces and she tell me if he is good i tell her yes he is handsome but at that guy pic he give me the impression that he is a playboy .And i maybe is that i d have time to accompany her to shopping etc that is why she choose to be with him and i remenber that i tell her i am goin germany to have a course is fast 6 month the whole thing will end if not i will take me 1 yrs or so to finish everything and she say in msn u d wanna me le ah than who will cook and pamper her and @ a sec there is a glimps of light in me but when @ nite i saw another new pic of her and the guys my brain was blank . And i think maybe i was not good enough to be her BF as she is so pretty and me is jus a average looking guy and the guy might be studying the same poly as her he got all the time with her etc or maybe i am not good enough .As i have to Earn my own income for my own and not time to accompany but i have distributed my work to my partners now i am free from work for a long time And until now i am very lost and could not get to slp and it was 4Nov2005 4:49 am still thinking .should i jus Disapper from sg for a while or .... to me she is everything without her i got no goal and aimless and think back all that i have done for her is nth and i felt very very sad and disappointed .The Qns kept fly aorund me why she cannot give me an answer and yet she could give him am i begin play out in this thing Call LOVE as my pervious incident i have been playout by 3 gals before her i give them ever thing they requested bec they notice my weak point for them i can do anything or give them anything they desire and its take me 5 long yrs to recover from these nightmares ,i say mummble to myself could this kind of thing happen to me again no it cannot be if this reali is true i d no what will happen is this impact will give me it might take me 10 yrs to heal and than i think if this goin to happen i think i will stay single forever than like angelina joline adopt kids to kill her loneliness and to let her set a goal so i did i have adopt an china kids 2 years old she is a gal very cute i even plan maybe a few more yrs later i will fetch her to come stay with me i will provide her everything to the best and fullest as i cannot provide it to the gal i love most in my life .but never give up hope on her i will fulfill the promise i give her if after 9 yrs no reply from her i will totally give up on her and my status will be single till my hair turns grey i have to accept the fact that has happen .what can i do nth i am jus like a maid to her maybe or no one i d no alot of time i trying to talk her out i burst into tears i normally d shed tear easily but this time i d no why even my friend ask me what happen to u u have change i say did i they ask me what happen i jus say nth jus too tired from all those work ,studies stuff like that . but these buddies have been through many big and small thing with me they know me very well they even knw that i am goin t suffer from another break down this time i might never get up on my feet again and they have been planning outing for me to pool ,pub,nite cycling even to today 03Nov2005 Ocean @ padang but i did not go i tell the his song will make me burst into tears again and they know it so they rather go alone than asking other to accompany them to watch Ou De Yang Reali thankz them for all these thing they have plan for me and time and money wasted on me rather than to their loved 1 if there is next life i wish they will be my Band Of bro's again . and lastlt thankz victor (primary School teacher) he suggest asking me to make a blog to write it out so that i will feel better and continue my journey of life .Thankz for all the thing you all did for me .But i have to say i will wait For you Jasmine i no matter what happen there is always me to guide u through the darkness .I will always be ur Guardian Angel protecting u by ur side
Wei Xiangz 04Nov2005 5.16am
~ Me ~
Name :Chua Wei Xiang
AKA:Jeremiah Chua/Killerjason , W ( Maymmar) Age : 20
Realtionship:It's Complicated
Education Standard : Currenty Studying In Nanyang Polytechnic
School Of Engineering (Manufacturing Engineering)
Job : Freelance IT Related Tech /People Association Youth Movenment
Hobbies & Interestâs: Taking Photo Of Scenery, Youth Event, Concert and even Video Taking
About Me :I am a simple guy, I treat everyone as friends no matter what happen they come to me I will try my best to help them all the way no matter what. To Me Family Come First, Secondly Will be Girlfriend, Thirdly will be True Friends/Real Bro's that is always there when u need help in anything faced in life. Lastly will be Work
Love Ones: To My family I will always look out for problem if it surface and he will try to solve it, Sometime when my mum is sick he will cook porridge for her to eat sometimes my mum is tired of Make Lunch or Dinner I will be the Chief in the house my cooking skill was taught by my Mother & Uncle (mother Side who is a chief in a 6 star Hotel but pass away 3 years ago due to Cancer) thank to them he cook many wonderful dish under their guidance. And for the gal I love most I would normally cook nice breakfast For Her .... Many will be think Xin Fu Ba Haha
Dislike: He dislike people who is not Truthful means when there is a need for you to tell the truth please do so not hiding the truth in your heart and makes it a burden to yourself .He is more like if you got any unhappy about him just tell him he will listen to what you say and he will do something to it .Not those people who have problem with him and always trying to give him trouble .A Fact is always knew by people around you so and thing just say it out no need to be angry about it there .No One IS Perfect In Life ,Everyday Is A Lesson Learn In Life . So those who have work with me or know me what kind of person i am in work and in school. When Comes to Work i am always serious about it as i always have a slogan in his mind "Want To Do Something Do It With All Your Heart, If Not Don't Do ". I work so hard is not for money is for those he Loved and Cared that is my AIM & GOAL in LIFE.
~WishList~ - Wish To Find A GF that is willing to shared My/Her happiness and sadness with and willing to Take Care Of her 4Ever
- Hope That No more Devastating Impact going to hit me again
- Wish that Singapore will be a Happy Country to live in
~Promise~ - No Matter What Happen I will Be There To Bring A Smile to your Face and bring you All The Hope I Gather Jus To Give You !.Vivian Chen L.Y .
* Friends *
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* Links *
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* Credits *
Thankz For my Baby Sister giving me many information when i doing this Blog
~ Special Thankz~
Victor thankz for ur encouragment and pushing me in creating this blog telling my story and experience in Life
Not Forgetting my Bro's that has been helping me since the days we start our own business and until now ......thankz for showing ur concern and Ecouragement all these yrs Brother's for life man !!!! RESPECT !!!!!
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